March 23, 2013


Before there were days, there were nights I could not see Your face. But the night couldn't keep me from grace.

I remember the moment , I remember the pain. I was only a girl, but I grew up that day. Tears were falling. I know You saw me hiding there in my bedroom, so alone. I was doing my best, trying to be strong.

You saw my mistakes, You watched my heart break... heard when I swore I would never love again. And when I was weak, unable to speak, still I could call You by name, and I said...

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists. I find it when
I am cut

How did I get locked up inside? What's this that renders me paralyzed? I lost myself in small pieces. It happened over time. I traded love for a heavy chain. Another link every other day.

There are ghosts from my past who own more of my soul than I thought I had given away. They linger on closets and under my bed and in pictures less proudly displayed. A great fool in my life I have been, have squandered till pallid and thin. Hung my head in shame and refused to take blame, for the darkness I know I've let win.

I wanna feel something sweeter than this sin. Cover me in leaves and roll me over again. I've been everybody else now I wanna be something closer to myself. Paint me in a different light, shed me yet another coat of skin, mark me with ash until I'm clean again. Cause I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know I can love you, I know that I can.

Oh, You call me Daughter and you take my blame. And, You run to meet me when I cry out Your name. So, I fall before You in all of my shame. Lord, I am willing to be changed.

Ever since that day, it's been clear to me that no matter what comes, You will never leave. I know You're for me, and You're restoring every heartache and failure, every broken dream... You're the God who sees, the God who rescued me.

This is my story.

This is my story:

All this time, from the first tear cried
'Till today's sunrise
And every single moment between
You were there, You were always there
It was You and I
You've been walking with me all this time.

[Lyrics from: "Before There was Time" - Caedmon's Call | "All This Time" - Britt Nicole | "I Am" - Nichole Nordeman | "Cut" - Plumb | "No More Chains" - Nichole Nordeman | "Martyrs and Thieves" - Jennifer Knapp | "Closer to Myself" - Kendall Payne | " Own Me" - Ginny Owens | "All This Time" - Britt Nicole]

March 08, 2013


[October 11, 2012]

I am not your judge.
Your name says it all.
I cannot move you
I cannot catch you when you fall.
I did not aim to change you,
I never wanted to dissuade you
Only to breathe to you...
You are more than your pain
You are more than any innocence your father ever took from you
You are more than the lies that boy spit at you,
Falling on your 16 year old lips like sleet that never melts
You are more than your mother's absence.
You are more than the girl's kisses that fill you, but drain out when you look away.
I only wanted you to consider,
You only wanted me to shut my mouth.
I am not your judge.
I cannot build a bridge that you would only be intent on burning
I cannot build a bridge between you and me
I can only be a bridge between you and the One who
Makes innocent and melts sleet and sticks around and plugs up all of our holes
I am not your judge.
Your name says it all.

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