December 30, 2008

Are you dead?

I was 15 when I first cut myself with a kitchen knife. I was 13 the first time I decided not to eat anymore. It was a gradual process. The road to self-injury was long and subtle, as most roads to bondage are. In order to justify my actions, I went in search of every medical and testimonial resource I could find about such things. All I could find was the recurring thought that I was abnormal and the psychological promise that I would never recover from this mentality of self abuse. Fellow cutters told me that I would always struggle with the urge to harm myself-- that one never fully recovers, and the temptation will always be there.

But here is the truth, and listen closely:


Let me make a suggestion here.

What if we were created to be healthy, happy individuals?
What if the way we have been treated, or the way we have treated ourselves has distorted that original intent?
What if we have submitted to a voice-- no, an enemy-- that tells us (in our own voice) that we need to feel pain, That there is something within ourselves that haunts us and presses outward and begs us to tear ourselves open just so it can be free, something that tells us that the only way to silence our own minds is to harm our physical bodies.
What if this same enemy is the one that tells us that we can never be rid of this harm?
What if I told you... you can be free of this?
What if I told you that it isn't YOUR blood that will save you?

What are you willing to die for? SIMPLY "NOT LIVING" IS NOT A GOOD ENOUGH ANSWER.

I will state today... I will declare it to you:

You have nothing to live for if you live as though you were dead.

December 09, 2008


"O LORD God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you. You rule over the surging sea; when its waves mount up, you still them."
Psalm 89:8&9

"In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."
Ephesians 2:21&22

On Aprils

Ten years ago, I sat in the dining hall of a Christian camp. A man my father's age sat with me. It was April, and I had no idea... I had...