July 16, 2007

Job Moments

For the past few weeks, I've really been trying to work on a lot of issues with God. On Saturday, at church, my dad talked about two things that really struck me: asking God to reveal to you what lies Satan uses to distract you and influence you in your life, and consecrating yourself for Holy use. For starters, I thought for sure that I was past the whole being lied to by Satan thing... I was convinced that when I stopped cutting, I stopped being duped by the devil. But in the past three weeks or so, I've been running into some things that have been revealed to me as major roadblocks in how I can be used by God. Last week, the topic of discussion between my Abba and me was boys. This week, our conversations have to do with my lack of friends.

See, I have close friends... but Teia lives in Bolivar. Abbi is in Michigan, and right now, Ian is somewhere in Europe... or Iceland... or something. I have yet to be able to really connect with anyone around myself that I can really, really be close to. (This is not to downplay the importance of the irreplaceable trio in my life... it's just different when you can see them regularly.)

Last night, I found myself sleepless (go figure), and pleading for God to show me what is keeping me from really connecting with people. I kept coming up with my own answers for the question (I like to do that when asking God things), like, "Am I too blunt?", "Do I need to change who I am?", or even the infamous "it's because I'm fat, isn't it?" And though God answered "no" to all of my questions, my chain of thought proceeded to the inevitable "Well, even if You gave me a close friend, you'd just take them away like You always have in the past" routine that I've been through time and time again with God.

It struck me, right about the time I finished the "I'm too fat" question that I sounded just like Moses when he was making all sorts of excuses for himself when God asked him to do something. I remembered God asking him, "Who made man's mouth?", and I laughed at myself.

Our excuses are worthless to Him, because He knows our capabilities. It isn't about how fat I am, or how blunt, or even how many friends I have-- it's about whether or not I realize that He is totally in control.

This is where the consecration comes in. I think that Moses and Job are two perfect examples of consecrated men in the Bible, but it wasn't until they realized that God created them for a distinct purpose, and that they were pointless without Him that they were truly at peace. They recognized God for who He is, and recognized their place in light of Him. Moses fell before the Burning Bush before he freed a nation from slavery, and Job put his hand over his mouth in embarrassment before God restored his riches and position.

The refinement was incredibly blunt, but some of us need that every now and then.


Terry M. Goodwin said...

Job's friends were not much comfort. Moses went to Egypt with God and one family member. The rest of Israel often cursed him.

While Moses said he could not speak to pharaoh, he did. He eventually gained enough confidence in himself that He gave the instructions for the passover to all of Israel. Exodus 12:21

Everyone is vulnerable to believing a lie but it is failing to be vulnerable that keeps us from establishing relationships that go deep. Look at your three close friends and ask yourself how much more vulnerable have you been with them than with others?

You are an awesome person and people do like you. You may need to take a chance and expose your heart a little more - and yes it can get hurt in the process but God is with us and the risk is worth the reward. I will be praying for you.

Judy said...

Let's face it, Satan isn't going to walk up to you and tell you that the next thing he tells you will be a lie and he wants you to believe it. We often find lies staring us in the face just when we think we have it all figured out...been there, done that.

I also know the feelings of friends being absent...maybe this weekend I'll tell you the entire story but for reasons that I can only now attribute to the goodness of God, I spent many years without friends. Many years. Partly because of God's design (of which I really wasn't aware of at the time) but mostly because I felt like a failure, inadequate and ashamed. I backed myself into the corner of parenting until...da da...the kids moved on...then there I was...alone. Well, at least I thought I was alone...

I spent a weekend on a beach alone with God and came to know that He had some plans for me. Is 43:18 & 19 to be exact...my world changed for me that day...not because I lost weight (which i didn't) or not because i was able to fly into an unfamiliar airport, rent a car and drive 5 hours to the beach (which I did)but because HE had created room in my world for Himself...in a way that I had never allowed Him.

I guess that today i still don't have the deep friendships that i used to have but I'm ok with that now. He is more real and more personal to me than ever before...and that i wouldn't change for anything!

Bob Carder said...

Jessica, I do not see you as fat. I see beauty and insight and depth.

As I said before, God is up to something in your life. As your dad spoke on Saturday, I thought of you. He said, God gives us the desires of your heart. What are your desires? God wants to give them to you? As you wait patiently the promise will be fulfilled in your life.

When that happens, I will be the first to give you the high five. Now I am daily going to pray that God will grant you the desires of your heart. You better make sure you know what they are.


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