The Kingdom of God

(Exodus 19:6) Our obedience sets us apart as the Kingdom of God. God's deliverance is what brought us here and gave us the right to see the Kingdom built up around us.

(1 Chronicles 29:11) The Kingdom Experiences we have are gifts given to us to help us realize our place before God. They are given to us so that we can offer them back to God in praise.

(Psalm 45:6) The Kingdom of God is brought forth not only by our representation of God's grace and compassion, but by our representations of His justice and sacrifice, as well.

(Daniel 4:3) God's Kingdom is eternal and immaterial. We cannot measure it, we can only experience it.

The Kingdom of God is:

• God's will being done
• God's glory being proclaimed
• God's character being displayed

[[ Still not finished! ]]

Visions

I think about the waves of time and how they roll across my shoulders.

Thinkin' no clock is gonna get the best of me.

Minutes threaten through the years to carve wrinkles with my tears,

Across the face with straining eyes to see.

They're looking for the peace that passes all understanding, in a world crazed with fear.

They say that I am much too demanding to want a better place than here.

So I'll go unto visions the prophets gave to me and

I'll dream of Heaven, the promise in which I believe.

Outside are dogs and scoffers, well they mock my very soul.

They try to steal the Joy of that promise I own.

But I will not be shaken from the rock that cleaves to me.

I've searched the world and found there's one thing I need.

It's the peace that passes all understanding, in a world crazed with fear.

They say that I am much too demanding to want a better place than here.

So I'll go unto visions the prophets gave to me and

I'll dream of Heaven, the promise in which I believe...

Was made by the Father,

sealed by the blood,

with the promise of Spirit

my victory is won.

Won't no lion catch me sleepin.

No, not on the darkest night.

Can I say the same for you?

Oh can you hear him creeping,

oh he's got you in his sights!

Oh, what are we to do?

Oh, the world is my Jordan.

Someday I'm gonna cross.

Ain't no one gonna look and say this soul is lost.

So I'll do my best, try to tell all the rest.

When the lion roars,

I'm gonna hide behind the cross,

because it's the...

Peace that passes all understanding, in a world crazed with fear.

They say that I am much too demanding to want a better place than here.

So I'll go unto visions the prophets gave to me and

I'll dream of Heaven, the promise in which I believe.

(Jennifer Knapp)

[[tomorrow, i think i might blog about the Kingdom of God and everything God's been speaking to me about it. for now, i'm going to go watch food network and HGTV...]]

Reluctantly Beloved : The Book

Here are some sample pages from the book I'm working on. I can't promise that they will look just like this when the book is finished, but you'll get the general idea.

"My eyes fear to close
This reckless letting go is hard to bare
On the edge of what I need,
Still I cling to what I see
And what have I there?
I bred my own disaster,
Who have I to blame?

All I need is waiting to be fanned to flame."

jennifer knapp

I hope Jesus knows how grateful I am that He has given me such an incredible mirror-image reminder of Him in human form. It is amazing to me how clearly a person can reflect the character of God when they are teachable and transparent.

As an aside-- I'm praying for a gentle, quiet spirit. I don't think I'm quite there yet, but I can feel God working on me.

Also, I am beginning a new book project. Since venturing into a new, purer form of ministry, God has impressed upon my heart the need for Spirit-led writing. I was actually becoming frustrated that He was not allowing me to write for so long, but today I think He released me and gave me a task bigger than I really would have liked. Be on the look out for it, I'll keep you updated. The tenative title is "Reluctantly Beloved", and I think it will probably include much more than just words (meaning graphic arts, photography, an maybe sketching... all things that I have not even thought about doing in a very, very long time.)

Let's hope God made me talented enough, not just driven enough. haha

A break from Music and Marriage talk

Over at the Shlog, Shaun Groves has got a good conversation going about the impact of the Millennial Generation on the Church. Go check it out!

Table for Two

I think I'm falling in love with this song, especially the last verse. For realz. With a "z".

Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes,

Talkin' 'bout soccer

And how every man's just the same

We made speculation

On the who's and the when's of our futures

And how everyone's lonely

But still we just couldn't complain

And how we just hate being alone

Could I have missed my only chance?

And now I'm just wasting my time

By looking around

But you know I know better

I'm not gonna worry 'bout nothing

Cause if the birds and the flowers survive

Then I'll make it okay

I'm given a chance and a rock

see which one breaks a window

See which one keeps me up all night and into the day

Because I'm so scared of being alone

That I forget what house I live in

But it's not my job to wait by the phone

for her to call

Well this day's been crazy

But everything's happened on schedule

from the rain and the cold

To the drink that I spilled on my shirt

'Cause You knew how You'd save me

before I fell dead in the garden

And You knew this day

long before You made me out of dirt

And You know the plans that You have for me

And You can't plan the end and not plan the means

And so I suppose I just need some peace

Just to get me to sleep.

caedmon's call

prayer + icecream = the way to The Jessicanator's heart.

"Who would have guessed what a few days would bring forth? How can God work His will in me if I am clogged with wishes of my own? Thy will be done.

I was certainly in a state! "Clogged with wishes." I was wishing that my wishes were what God wished, and if my wishes were not what God wished, I wished that I could wish that my own wishes would go away, but the wishes were still there." - Elisabeth Elliot, "Passion and Purity"

My theme song right now

Turn Your eyes from on this way. I have proved to live a dastardly day-- I hid my face from the saints and the angels who sing of Your glory. What You had in mind-- my weakness shines. Show me grace-- A little more than I can give, a little more than I deserve. Unearth this holiness I can't earn. It's a little more than I can give, a little more than I deserve. For all the sin that lives in me, it took a nail to set me free still, what I do I don't want to do and so goes the story. What You had in mind... What we seek we'll find, shine, show me grace. With all this motivation, I still find a hesitation deep in my soul. Despite all my demanding, I still find You understanding. Show me grace show me grace I know is... A little more than I can give, a little more than I deserve. Unearth this holiness I can't earn. It's a little more than I can give, a little more than I deserve

jennifer knapp

I just bought Plus One's CD, Exodus... I think it might become one of my favorites. I know that when the name, Plus One is spoken, people automatically think of white plastic egg chairs and the song, "Written on My Heart", but let me say-- THIS CD IS WAY COOLER THAN THAT. I much prefer the indie, Beatles-esque rock of this record to the boy band pop. I really dig their rendition of "Here I am to Worship." The CD is an excellent transition to Castledoor-- another one of my favorite bands. There are some definitely fantastic songs on this CD that reflect on deliverance and gratitude for God's redemption. JUST what I needed. The fact that the CD was produced by Peter Furler of the Newsboys doesn't hurt, either.

The Four Month Story... abridged.

Where I was 4 months ago in regards to God's plans for Me+Marriage...

What God has transformed me into since then....

What God has been telling me to do for the past few months...

The beautiful gift that accompanied this transformation and my own obedience...

My current desired reaction to this gracious gift from God....

Oops.

I'm glad that God doesn't have to obey me.

Ink makes my skin itch. I used to use red pens to mark up my arms whenever I would feel like cutting, and the skin around the red marks would get, well, red and itchy. Now, I reserve the act of writing on myself for only incredibly important reminders. As I sit here, listening to one of my favorite Christian musical artists (Jennifer Knapp), I am being renewed. I am being reminded of one of the most essential foundations of the Christian walk-- one I have not been so quick to remember as of late. One that counteracts everything that I've been struggling with lately.

See, even though most people wouldn't believe it, I care greatly about how people view me. I have a lot of rules concerning the way in which I should live, how my ministry should be carried out, and how I fit into the elements of life around me. I should emphasize that these are my rules. No one gave them to me, no one told me to have them, and no one ever told me that I had to keep them. Lately, God's been breaking my rules. He's been telling me to stop caring how people see me, and to start living as though I know that the Living God is inside of me... because the truth is, Jessica cannot make Jessica a great leader-- only Christ can. I don't think that my sin is in an inflated ego, because I know that I cannot be a great leader. My sin is in forgetting that Christ works through me to make my ministry so much greater than I ever could.

Right now, I have written on my hand, "The All-Consuming Fire BURNS IN ME"-- to serve as a reminder of where my strength to lead really comes from. Thank you, Jennifer Knapp, for writing this song in 1999 so that I could hear it 9 years later and finally get it.

i sit here and question why my God loves me
though i have never done a good thing, or a righteous deed
and though i'm rich, i claim that i'm poor
crying over earthly things i know i can't afford but
He who died is greater than these
i should be thankful, praying on my knees crying

Alpha and Omega
Prince of Peace
o, my King of Kings
the Great I Am, Jehovah Jireh
who cares for me
the Holy One, the Holy Father of the Blessed Trinity
All Consuming Fire burn in me

now i never claimed to be anymore than i am
any more than i seem
in fact i bill myself so much less than i am
so much less than He sees
so may i hold out with an open hand
this frail life of mine and pray that You can make it stand
most Holy God it's all i need to say that i'm thankful
i can believe in the

Alpha and Omega
Prince of Peace
o, my King of Kings
the Great I Am, Jehovah Jireh
who cares for me
the Holy One, the Holy Father of the Blessed Trinity
All Consuming Fire burn in me

Those Durn Trees

I am very good at being the Jessicanator.

I'm good at preaching the theology of waiting at the foot of Christ. I'm good at telling others how much of a blessing it is to see promises fulfilled by God. I'm good at telling others that it is exciting to see God's hand unfold every new thing and work out every variable. I am good at guarding my heart. I am good at knowing what I should be doing. I am good at carrying myself with some measure of grace and composure. I am good at not liking ooshy-gooshy romance movies. I am good at appreciating the art of flying solo. I am good at mentoring others in the way of the "Boylessness Movement."


But there are somethings that I am not so good at.



I am not good at waiting. I am not good at looking into a pair of striking blue eyes and ignoring their intentions. I am not good at not being a girl. I am apperantly not good at reading a text message written in Yoda-speak without having to stifle a giggle or squelch a smile. I am not good at appreciating God's timing. I am not even good at recognizing it. I am not good at seeing the forest.



But, I am very good at inspecting those trees.....

Reluctantly Beloved

"The difference between a flower girl and a lady is not in how she acts, but in how she is treated." (My Fair Lady)

Just so-

"The difference between a prostitute and someone's beloved is not in what she wears, but in how she is transformed."

And I've been so quick to fall for others
I've been so hasty to escape Your love
But still You've pursued me, despite the idols on my lips.
You've removed the cup that made me drunk (Isaiah 51:22)
You've redeemed me with nothing but Your blood(Isaiah 52:3),
Your life-- a sum that no one's ever paid before
Amounting to so much more than what I sold myself for
Which is so much less than the price I've paid
To construct a lie amongst all the choices I've made
Because nothing I've made before was true love
No matter what mask it wore
And no one that I've bowed before (Hosea 2:16-19)
Ever changed my heart like You
And now the chance that You could change me into a bride
A bride dressed in jewels and white(Isaiah 61:10)
Washed by Your Word-- made radiant and right... (Ephesians 5:25-27)
Still this thought leaves me hesitating
While You whisper in my ear,
"Everything that's ever left you hanging
Every unkept promise, every unsaid word
Let Me take the place of every lie you've ever heard
You are mine, I am yours
You are mine, I am yours
No matter where or who you've been."

A Love Song for a Savior

In open fields of wild flowers,
She breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daisies and the roses,
in no simple language.

Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat or a song on her lips.
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him.
Someday He'll call her and she will come running,
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You."

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best.
The sermon echoes through the walls.
A great salvation through it calls to the people,
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls.

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens.
As close as a heartbeat or a song on our lips.
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him.
Someday He'll call us and we will come running,
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"

It seems too easy to call you Savior,
Not close enough to call you God.
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion...
"I want to fall in love with You."

jars of clay

On a day like today...

...there are no words, only icons.

Annotations

Just some notes that I've written in the margins of the Brennan Manning book that I'm currently reading.

"David's heart WAS gratefulness. It was a true gratefulness that looked at God and said, "It is only by Your GRACE that I am alive. You owe me nothing. I owe You all."

"Am I, with my life, whispering doxology in the darkness around me?"

"Again, there it is...God owes me nothing"

"He (Jesus) knew God's will, yet He still submitted to whatever was in store for Him. He was God, but His life still screamed, 'GOD OWES ME NOTHING. I OWE HIM ALL.' "

If God owes us nothing, why does He offer us EVERYTHING? That isn't fair. I want nothing... nothing but all of Him.

It finally fits

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands
-- e. e. cummings

blue italics

I wish GOD

Would speak a little LOUDER

or even just

whisper softly

to say "yes"

"no"

"maybe"

"here, now, how, who"

or just

"STOP ASKING ALREADY"

I wish "being still and knowing"

didn't mean

"being silent and letting"

Letting God be God

Letting promises be promises

and choosing to place my heart in knowing

HE IS GOD

When I was a child,
The world, to me, seemed so old.
All I could do was live to catch up
All I could do was die to be alive
But now, life really begins
When the scars stop bleeding
When they no longer scream
When they no longer define me
(they no longer deface me)
This once defeated temple is surely not dead
Because if the grave has lost its sting--
If Death has no victory,
Then Christ has it all.

Again, I'm speaking in lyrics. Maybe someday I'll have my own words again.

"One of these days, I'll find a way to celebrate all my mistakes

(Falling over, falling over just to show that I'm alive)

Could it be so bad to follow all these dreams I have

And use them for Your glory?"

number one gun

Maybe I do have my own words to say about that. I'm rediscovering some of my old music. It's cool to see the story God has chosen to write for me. I'm thankful each day for the removal of shame from my life... maybe someday, I will be able to CELEBRATE my mistakes.

I Am Understood

You're the only one who understands completely

You're the only one knows me yet still loves completely

And sometimes the place I'm at is at a loss for words

If I think of something worthy

I know that its already Yours

And through the times I've faded and You've outlined me again

You've just patiently waited, to bring me back and then...

You looked into my life and never stopped
And You're thinking all my thoughts
Are so simple, but so beautiful
And You recite my words right back to me
Before I even speak
You let me know, I am understood

relient k

revolutionary

When God speaks, and you listen, prepare to be more discontent with those around you than you have ever been before.

But, remember the wise words of Jars of Clay,

"You don't got to fight or make yourself belong to be a revolution."

Pray for me... I'm trying to be that revolution.