Glorious

I have something I want to say here, but I have a feeling it is going to come out sort of messy, so bear with me. I promise I won't go a long way for nothing. Sunday night, my best friend, Teia was able to come into town. We decided to attend Mosaic (a local church's college service) for the first time since July (the last time she was in town. Mosaic is sort of a tradition of ours). While we were there, we sang a song called "My Glorious". I have always loved this song because of personal implications, but it set wheels turning in my head.

The song's first verse is simple and fairly uninspired (as far as Chris Tomlin songs are concerned.) But, the bridge is where I really started thinking;

And all You ever do
is change the old for new
People we believe that

God is bigger than
the air I breathe
The world we'll leave
God will save the day
and all will say
My glorious!

A few times around in the song, I was reminded of something I posted on my old blog back in September of '05:

I was reading Brennan Manning's book, "A Glimps of Jesus: The Stranger To Self- Hatred" the other night, and I had an epiphone. In the book, Manning explains that one of the greatest causes of self-hatred amongst Christians is legalism. Now, I know I hate that word. Really, I do... because people overuse it, and they think that any sort of restriction put on a Christian by the word of God is "legalism". However, Manning was referring to opressive religious practices that have no scriptural base. He said that legalism isn't the biggest problem for Christians; the biggest problem for Christians is that we fail to let Jesus Christ be who He truly is in our lives. That got me. Man, that got me.

I think, as Christians, we tend to let our views of Christ levitate toward one extreme or another, either all-loving, or all-judging. But we forget that His love and His justice go hand in hand. They work together to cultivate in us an incredible spirit and closeness to Him. We stunt that so often. We invite in His love, but we aren't willing to face His judgement and correction-- or we live in fear of rebuke, and we never get to see the Christ that holds out His arms to us in love. We miss the point so much... I miss the point so much. God created us so that we could glorify Him, but we can't glorify Him to our fullest unless we allow Him to work in every part of our lives with every part of who He is.

Think about that.

How big would our lives be? How drastic would the change be? How righteous could we become, how beautiful could He make us if He, in His fullness was involved in our lives completely?

Now that you have this in your mind, and you probably agree with me so far-- ponder the question: as a whole Church, are we letting GOD be WHOLLY involved? How much of what we do in a church service is man-made and underived from scripture? How much of it has been created with the mentality of "We have to make this work", and the implied notion that the Holy Spirit will NOT work without our help? Now, think about how transformed His Church could be if we just let Him take the wheel-- If we let Him be the Potter, instead of turning Him into simple clay. He changes old for new. He saves the day. He's bigger than a four point sermon. He's bigger than a cliche worship chorus. He's bigger than liturgy. He's bigger than any tradition. He's bigger than festivals, or coffeehouse themes, or Christian bands, or any other form of ministry that WE try to execute instead of letting Him. How golrious would the Church really be if we just let Him use us, instead of us exploiting Him?

Hello Amendment 2--

Goodbye individual state rights.
Well... eventually.

I didn't think there were so many stupid people in Missouri.

Becoming a professional

So, the other day, I offically sold my first piece of writing. This excites me to no end. It wasn't much, and I didn't get paid too well, but it is encouraging. So... I am happy-- even if my nose is blue and puffy.

Ouch...

I think my nephew just seriously injured my nose.

The Skuh Manifesto

Not to be confused with the S.C.U.M. Manifesto

I know I haven't been "around" much as of late. I've been trying to figure out where I'm going in the next few years of my education. I still have very little idea, but the more I think about my current school, the more I ache for the people there. Not only is there absolutely no community on any level there, there is little to no Christian community. I am not posting this to bash the current Christian organizations present on campus, but I think we need far more than what's there.

So, if you will, take this post as my manifesto... the Skuh Manifesto, as it were.

It will simply not do to have only one Christian group on campus, with only two accessible meetings a week, geared only to Christians. I know that, if possible, I would hear multiple shouts of protest concerning this claim. But, think about out like this: The current outreaches on campus consist of church-like meetings, where a non-Christian can come, sing to a God they don't know, participate in a Christian Fellowship they do not fully understand (therefore, they cannot fully partake in), and hear sermons from Scripture that they do not ascribe to in a language that they are not fluent in (Christianese). The only draw for them is the free pizza. Why would you want to torment any non-Christian in such a way? The Church was not meant for this. It is a body of BELEIVERS, not a place to invite your friends to, as if it were the circus.

I am not saying that non-Christians should be perpetually ignorant of scripture, but there are far more effective ways of sharing the Gospel than creating mini-churches, with congregants who's only motivation in communicating with others is to invite them to meetings every time they talk to them.

My proposal-- my vision for the SCC campus in the coming semesters is as follows: Groups of 6-8 CHRISTIAN students, studying the scripture together, and standing beside one another as they venture into the community and campus building relationships with non-believers. Sharing the love of Christ in word and deed. Digging into their lives. Being there for them when they need support. Meeting physical needs. Buying them lunch. Helping them move. Lending them $10 for gas money. Inviting them over for dinner. Baking them cookies. Doing real things to accomplish real ministry, and meeting together in groups-- groups that exist to encourage and empower them to do these things every single day, with all of their beings.

This is my vision. This is the infection that needs to be spread on our campus, especially by Christians.

I have stated my vision. Here is my plea-- join me in this revolution, whether it be in prayer or in action.

This made me giggle...

What I Want In A Church

Note the last line.

Tidbits from my week

• I can make tortilla chips.
• I have a 3.8 GPA, with hopes of a 4.0 if I just step it up in Biology (7% away).
• Best blog I've read in a month.
• My first serious attempt at watercolor.
• I only have one semester left at SCC.
• Midterms are over, and so I shall rejoice!

Should I Tell Them?

Today at lunch, I sat with my friend, Lisa and discussed her most recent fight with her father. She told me how she nearly decked him yesterday, and I munched on my possibly-ecoli-ridden lettuce. Over a game of Canasta, the rest of our lunch table casually discussed their addiction to self-harm. Three out of six girls at that table were professing self-injurers or recovered self-injurers-- myself included. I sat back, munching on my lettuce, listening to Lisa drone, and pretending to read Washington Irving.

Now, I sit back and wonder why I didn't say a word.

It seems I am ashamed of my history, as well as my Rescuer; I am faithless in the idea that God's light can be seen even through such a filthy vessel as myself; I am so afraid of my sins being exploited that I hide God's power in my life; and gently He reminds me that not even my fear can hide His victory in me.

Walking with you is not without hazards/ Trippings this traveler's curse/ Price paid for falling is more than my stumble/ In a world that is watching and waiting for words/ But I listened when You said to go/ And I set out in spite of my fears/ About truth mixed with my imperfection/ And the question of what to say when I got here/ And now that I'm here/ Should I tell them that You are the one who has made me/ And saved me and set up a home there inside/ Should I tell them that I am a perfect example/ Of all You can do with a life./ What should I say to them?/ What if I'm failing them?/ What should i tell them tonight?/ Now don't get me wrong/ I'm thankful to be here/ With this song to sing and a spotlight on me,/ But lately I'm wondering if you are mistaken,/ If you're seeing all of me there is to see./ Cause on every face I detect/ The same questions I've posed to you/ Like do you speak through the imperfect/ Are we too dirty for your light to get through?/ I want your light to get through./ What should I tell them when/ They're thirsty Lord/ My cup is empty Lord/ Come and lead me here in this place/ Cause I'm honest, yeah, but I'm unprepared/ And I'm just plain afraid

-Shaun Groves

And it still applies today...

"I hope I shall be forgiven a hard word if I call this a perfect cavil. I readily own there hath been an old custom, time out of mind, for people to assemble in the churches every Sunday, and that shops are still frequently shut, in order, as it is conceived, to preserve the memory of that ancient practice; but how this can prove a hindrance to business or pleasure is hard to imagine. What if the men of pleasure are forced, one day in the week, to game at home instead of the chocolate-house? Are not the taverns and coffee-houses open? Can there be a more convenient season for taking a dose of physic? Is not that the chief day for traders to sum up the accounts of the week, and for lawyers to prepare their briefs? But I would fain know how it can be pretended that the churches are misapplied? Where are more appointments and rendezvouses of gallantry? Where more care to appear in the foremost box, with greater advantage of dress? Where more meetings for business? Where more bargains driven of all sorts? And where so many conveniences or incitements to sleep?"

-Jonathan Swift, An Argument Against Abolishing Christianity, 1708

BE A HERO

"The travesty, my dear Amy, is that you are more intent on shaping your dear little nose than you are on fashioning your character." - Marmee (Little Women, Louisa May Alcott)

America's Next Top Model

Last night, my sister and I watched America's Next Top Model. While it was funny at times, and the photography was superb (even inspired me to possibly get back into it), I noticed something that made me really quite ill.

All of the women who tried out for the competion were on there because they "wanted to make something of themselves", or otherwise prove to the world that they were far more than just a pretty face. This puzzled me a little, to be perfectly honest. If you want to be something more than a pretty face, why become a model? After a while, though, it became all to clear to me how much of a joke the competion really was.

The first photoshoot was-- get ready for it-- a nude shoot. Granted, it was tastefully done (regardless of what your opinion is on nude art, it was not in the least pornographic.), but the idea of forcing all of these women to do what most models take years to gather the courage to do is ridiculous. On top of that, all of the women made fun of the two girls who were not comfortable with posing nude. Needless to say, these two girls (even though they were eventually coaxed into it) did not make it to the next level of the competition.

My point in saying all of this is-- it is not in the least bit feministic to go on national television and pose nude for a camera. Nor is it encouraging to other women who are unsure of themselves to ridicule them until they follow your own idea of what feminine liberation is. It seems to me that this feminist ideal is falling further and further from what the first feminists wanted for us.

Stop objectifying yourself and fellow women-- you ARE more than a pretty face. So cover yourself up and sharpen your mind, soul, and compassion in order that you may become graceful, honorable women of integrity. It's what we were made to be. THAT is how you prove yourself to the world.

Coming Soon...

Here is a tenative list of upcoming peices I'll be posting. Check back regularly to read!

• Women and Equality
• The Opression of Women Within Protestant Tradition
• Celibacy: A Protestant Defense
• The Retail Manifesto

I

"This is the God of the gospel of grace. A God, who out of love for us, sent the only Song He ever had wrapped in our skin. He learned how to walk, stumbled and fell, cried for His milk, sweated blood in the night, was lashed with a whip and showered with spit, was fixed to a cross and died whispering forgiveness on us all." - Brennan Manning

Amen.

Four Lines Of Iambic Pentameter

It's so vacuous to take back the essence of control from the One who set the earth in motion.

I seized the pen from the Author's hand,
And wrote myself into No-Man's-Land,
Where the thorns bereave and storms demand
My attention's turn from something grand.

I wrote this last semester. Really, I was just playing with meter and rhyme, trying to get a perfect set of lines in iambic pentameter. I got the structure right, thankfully. Kudos to Jeff for final editting. I think this is one of my favorite pieces.

Upon Acceptance of What Must Be

It is not You who bereaves me,
Dawner of day, Sultan of sea.
Not You, but the darkness in me.

It is not You who turns dusk to night,
One Holy God, Father of Light.
Not You, but this sin of birthright.

It is not You who steals our mirth,
Supreme Spirit of my rebirth.
Not You, but this flawed, broken earth.

Is it not You who changed my past,
Forever Song, Great Love so vast?
Yes, You, though I have trespassed.

Is it not You, one day to come
Love of my heart, Light of the sun?
Yes, You. You resound my anthem.

I'm afraid I must work in the morning, but I thought I'd do a short little blog thing right quick about a topic that has seemingly overtaken my life as of late-- Catholicism. Everywhere I turn, I run into it. Tonight's small group meeting really drove it into the ground for me. I don't think this is bad, in fact, it's probably good for me, ya know? Dejan's been asking me tough questions about my doctrine that I've never been asked before, I've been listening to the verbal sparring of Ryan and whoever feels like attacking him on any given Monday, and my conversations with McGee have been funneling down to one or two main points of conflict in my little, Evangelical mind.

It's interesting, though, because before I began seriously talking with McGee, or attending Jeff's English classes, Catholicism hardly caught my attention at all. I was a happily ignorant little Protestant girl. Now, I find myself literally caught in the middle of Protestantism and Catholicism, with no desire in my heart to convert to the latter. (Yet a heavy desire for celibacy-- which is a whole different issue.) I can't, however, openly admit this to any of my friends (Catholic or otherwise), because the Protestants like to breathe down my neck all the time, and the Catholics never understand why I don't just convert if I'm really "almost Catholic", as some like to call me.

Truth is, I have a serious issue with the idea of the Tradition of the Catholic (Roman or otherwise) church being the unwritten word of God. I understand the concept. In fact, I find myself explaining it more and more to most of my non-Catholic friends as though I believed it, but I can't. It isn't that I doubt that The Church is the Bride of Christ, spotless because of His sacrifice, nor do I think that we should disregard history and the theology of Godly people that have come before us in interpreting the written word of God, but if the Church, or the Pope, do all the interpreting, what is the Holy Spirit for?

As for the celibacy thing...

So, as very few know, there is a boy named Dan, who I irreversibly allowed into my heart, and who I thought had done the same for me. I was wrong.. I got played. It happens, life goes on. But with this current (and ever so deep) heartache of mine comes a renewed reminder of my possible call to celibacy.

It makes me wonder... is this call only a resort after I have been hurt? With Dan, I almost feel like I was trying out another guy just to see if God REALLY meant it when He placed this in me. Why are these guys so easy to look past? Are they just distractions from God's calling? Am I just afraid of never finding someone? All of these questions have been battling on the forefront of my mind for the past 8 months, and still I find no resolution.

I'm pretty sure that all of you are thinking, "So what? Everyone goes through struggles." But I cannot say that I've ever met anyone that has gone through this particular struggle... and what a struggle it is! To think-- I may never become a mother. I may never have a wedding day. The struggle doesn't come in what I'm giving up, though, it comes in the idea of what I might be missing. If I were to remain celibate, would God really make it worth my while? I know that is a silly question. Really, I can't believe it even passes through my mind. But sometimes, I feel like I don't know where I'm going. I feel completely out of place, completely alone, and like God's reserving me for that "something better" that may never come. Sometimes, it feels like I'm holding out for nothing.

I know I'm young, and there's a lot of life left to live, but I'd rather every moment be used by Him. It isn't like I'm not willing-- it just feels like He's not interested at the moment.

And that hurts.

Meh... I'll finish this tomorrow or Wednesday, if there is anything to finish. I've had a really, really long day and not nearly enough sleep, so I am going to head off to Dreamland.

"I just want to be something more than the mud in Your eyes. I want to be the clay in Your hands. 'Cause Gloria is silent, and glory is a silent thing." - Mineral

HOLY SONNETS.

XIV.

Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you
As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy ;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

John Donne

Predisposed to bigotry,
the regular run-of-the-mill American story.
The stench of greasepaint on our faces,
pass the mask to our next of kin,
instead of wiser idioms,
like "love the sinner, hate the sin".

Happy?

You have begun to see how easily you are unsettled when others irritate you, and how gross offenses nearly drive you off track. I want to help you understand why this is so . …

It is our attachment to the things of this world that is the problem. We feel such a drawing to people and possessions, hoping they will give us the security and love we need. When they fail to fill our soul's deepest needs we are confused. We feel such affection for these people, these things—but they do not love us back as much as we need to be loved. Our own body betrays us,
because in the presence of these objects of desire we feel some measure of comfort. But never enough. Thus we are attached as if by ropes to things that pull our souls down into the miry clay of earth.

Those who are stuck in this rut may come away for a time of spiritual reflection. They get a glimpse of the rest and peace that can be theirs when they relinquish their worries and attachments to God. But. … they fail to recognize the Source of their spirit's life—they fail to recognize that all of life flows from our full embrace of [Christ] alone.

They go back to their attachments to things that can never give them life within.

So they go from dryness to fleeting times of so-called spiritual renewal, when they briefly consider the things of God. I do not denigrate such times, however, for at least they gain a glimpse, so that their soul may continue to cry out within them, "I love the house where you live, O Lord, the place where your glory dwells" (Psalm 26:8).

Let the full truth of what I have shown you sink in so that in due time you will be able to continue on your journey in Christ. Whole in heart. More free in spirit than before.

What you must do, if you want to progress in spirit, is this: Make it your practice to become more aware of all the people and things to which your soul has become wrongly attached. I do not mean that you should feel no affection; that is unnatural. I mean that you should not depend on any created thing for your final happiness and security. For people and things will always fail us. And when we love and trust in them more than we love and trust in God, then our affections are disordered.

Progress comes as we slowly regather the soul together, recalling it from all the places where it has fallen captive. How are you a captive?Are you afraid of losing things that have no real power to help you—that is, temporary losses? Do you cling to people and things which are not worthy of that kind of full dependence—calling this love, though it is really only immature need? Do you
fret over practically nothing? Are you always looking for some possession, or a person, or an achievement, to charge your soul with joy?

We must recollect our soul from such entrapments. Only then can our soul freely ascend to God.

As we release our grip from things of this earth—things that are as fleeting as we are—then do our souls soar. For when we release our soul to love and trust in God alone, we have strength to walk to the high place because we are given the power of His own Spirit.

Bernard of Clairvaux